I was spanked but I was not abused. The majority of my mother’s generation spanked their children. I am not prepared to sit here and claim that the majority of older generations were child abusers. My mother paddled my little behind with a paddle or her hand whenever I misbehaved in a manner that caused danger or harm to myself or others.
My mother’s rules for spanking:
1. When she was angry, she waited. She believed spanking was for discipline and not for expressing anger.
2. Spank hard enough for them to know they don’t like it, but not so hard it leaves them feeling the pain for hours.
3. Spank on the area of the behind that is most cushioned. I know some people don’t have a cushiony derriere, but I do.
My father spanked me once. I had chronic bouts of bronchitis and pneumonia as a child and winter was the worst time for that. I had been told not to go outside without my coat, hat, mittens, boots... In fact, I wasn’t supposed to go outside at all at the time unless I was headed to the doctor’s office.
My father had threatened to spank me before, but he never had done so. Of course, that may have been because I had always listened to him. I didn’t want to find out how much it might hurt. On this particular day, I was especially rebellious.
I opened the door and went out into the snow -- barefooted and wearing pajamas.
Daddy had tears in his eyes when he was done spanking me.
I never told him that it didn’t even hurt.
Most of the time, I was not spanked. I was put in time-out. Some people may have thought I was abused because I stood there for two to three hours sometimes, but that was not the case. It usually went like this:
“When you are ready to explain why what you did was wrong; apologize for it and make it “right”; then you can leave that corner.”
I was one stubborn little girl. My mom was one stubborn woman, too and I am grateful that she was stubborn. What I learned:
1. Mom means what she says.
2. I’m in control of myself and my decisions determine (most) consequences.
I remember recognizing my own actions when I was as young as three years old. That is likely due to my mother warning me and explaining why a particular action was not the right one and then waiting to discipline me when I did it again.
I learned that my behavior determined my comfort throughout the day. When I behaved well or accomplished particular things, I was praised. When I disobeyed, I was corrected. I did not just obey in order to not be “hit”. I obeyed because the consequences made me uncomfortable and over time, I developed a conscience.
When I was about ten years old, I did something that was particularly rotten. I cannot recall what it was, but I do recall that horrible feeling that came over me. I knew I had done wrong, but I was not about to admit it. I mouthed off instead. My mother walked away and gave me an hour or two to myself.
When she returned, I was given a choice:
Lose my bike for two weeks or take a spanking.
I handed over my bike.
One week later, I submitted to a spanking in the interest of having my bike back. I had discovered that not having the bike (I LIVED on that bike) was much worse than a spanking.
There IS a difference between beating and spanking and if a parent doesn’t know the difference, then of course they should not spank their children.
I am not suggesting that every kid should be spanked. My children were responsive to time-outs, grounding and explanations.
If I suggest anything to other parents, it is “give them consequences”. A first time infraction done out of ignorance does deserve explanation and reasoning. When done again, there should be consequences. Anything less insults a child’s intelligence.
I’m not certified and I don’t have a Ph.D. in child-rearing, but that’s my opinion and I’m sticking to it.
Karla Whitmore is a freelance web content writer who specializes in blogging, internet marketing,SEO writing, being a mom and grandmother, and procrastinating. You can learn more about her and what she does by checking out her blog KarlaWhitmore.Com or hubs.
